He's Mine
by OrangeGirlExplosion
Summary: Of all the things I've seen, this has to be one of the strangest. The King Of Games and his hikari actually dueling over who's going to sleep with me. Mattaku...I'm not sure if I should be flattered or irritated..."


Disclaimer: You kidding? If I owned Yu-Gi-Oh do you think I'd be going to that painful place called School? Didn't think so…

OGE: This has no point whatsoever other than I absolutely cannot look at another one of those damn Y/Y/S…_things_ again!! They make me sick the way they make Yami so weak and Yugi just so fragile and Seto out to be the bad guy. To hell with all of you writers who do that! I'm damn sick and tired of those things!! Why does Seto have to be the bad guy and act all OOC and why do Yugi and Yami get everyone's sympathy? B.S.! That's what it is! B.S.!! Although I think I'm just losing my touch, because it doesn't feel like I did very good with this one…

Youji: Maa, maa orange-sama, you did great. The only thing you do better than writing yaoi is second guess yourself and cut yourself down. Trust me, it's good.

OGE: If you say so…I think it's crap…But it still gets my point across! Down with Seto bastardization!! -_-x

" Anou…this isn't really necessary you two."

" Like hell! I called dibs on riding you Blue Eyes!"

" He's got me! He doesn't need you!"

" You never used to fight before. Why now? I haven't gotten special or anything."

" Nonsense Blue Eyes you are very special. And very gorgeous. And I can't wait to win you."

" Chotto matte! Who says you get to console him yami?! And you're not going to win, I am! Besides, I saw him first!"

" Did not! I saw him first! 5000 years ago! And he's just as gorgeous then as he is now!"

" Don't you compliment MY Blue Eyes Pharaoh! He wants me!"

" You LIE! Seto 'Sephiroth' Kaiba is PHARAOH'S property! He wants ME!"

" Me!"

" Me!"

" ME!"

" ME!"

" Seto!"

" Seto!"

" Etou…"

Yami Mutou and Yugi Mutou were locked in a fierce duel. Both of them were glaring at each other and growling like wolves. Seto Kaiba, gorgeous Bishonen and yummy ukeru, stood by in just a big, lemon yellow dress shirt and a big stuffed animal and white socks. He had tried to tell them the duel wasn't really necessary; he didn't mind being shared between his two semerus. 

But the two didn't seem to like the other wanting to ravish the Blue Eyes while they wanted him at the same time. Sure, most of the time they would share the deed of pleasuring and receiving pleasure from their Blue Eyes, but they seemed to not want to share him today.

Seto sat back and hugged his Saggi The Dark Clown doll the boys had won him at the carnival. The two must have been high on testosterone this particular day. Yugi had been just as hentai and aggressive as Yami normally was, and the Pharaoh was just vicious. Now they were fighting each other for him.  And this wasn't a friendly duel like they had had in the past. They were dead serious. 

Poor Seto didn't understand what was going on.

" Seto-koi, tell this ancient Pharaoh that you don't want some stuck-up royal to pleasure and that you really want me!" Yugi didn't even turn his eyes from his glare at Yami.

The Pharaoh glared right back. " Quiet you multi-colored smurf before I flick your lil'ass back to Small-timore!" 

/_ Ara…This doesn't look like it will end well de gozaru… /_ Seto thought while imagining fangs and claws on Yami and Yugi.

From what he guessed, it all started in his office earlier that day…

Flashback

He had been in his office trying to convince some angry supplier that it was not his problem that someone was playing with the Duel Disks and they started a fire. It was not his fault or his problem. But the man just refused to be reasoned with. He just wanted to get paid for the merchandise he lost. 

" Atari-san, I am not at liberty to pay for your lost products. It was through no fault of KaibaCorp. That you lost your warehouse."

Seto tried not to get too irritated. The man was a good supplier. He didn't really need him, but he didn't really have the time to look for someone to fill his orders for him. So he would have to just shut him up and have the jackass deal with the loss.

He sighed and slouched in his black leather chair. He was starting to get a headache from it. He really didn't want to deal with this. He had things to do today and most of them needed to be done yesterday. 

" Konnichi wa boku no Blue Eyes. You look really good in that chair like that." 

Seto looked up to see who said that. He had a pretty good idea, but he needed to be sure. There in his doorway with blue roses and casablancas was the King Of Games, Yami Mutou. He was smirking and leaning casually against the doorframe. 

He watched a little apprehensively as the yami no hentai sauntered up to his desk and hopped up on it. He presented him with the flowers proudly, as if he were doing the most important job in the world. 

Yami watched with amusement as Seto blushed cutely and took the flowers. He never did know what to say when either he or Yugi brought him presents of any kind.   

" Etou…domou Yami-kun. They're beauti-" He was cut off by the abrupt yelling in his ear from the receiver. He jerked it away and rubbed his ear gingerly. That man was loud when he got angry.

" Didn't I tell you to hold on?! K'so! I'm not even gone 10 seconds and you're yelling you're head off! How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going to pay you because someone was misusing my product!" 

Yami frowned at the scene. His Blue Eyes was stressing over this person who seemed to be irritating him and yelling at him. Any other day he would love to just let his koi handle this.

" I've spent the last 5 minutes telling you that I can't do anything for you but send you more systems and- oi! Yami! Gimme that!"

This wasn't going to be one of those days. 

" You listen me you filthy, lowly mere human!! You dare order my koi in anything else ever again and I promise I will make sure that whatever is left of your life will be spent in misery and torment!! Who am I?! Your damn executer if you raise your voice to me again! What was that?!! Look outside your window jackass! Yeah, that big, red dragon with the two mouths and the blue eyes? Yeah, my koi made that thing for me! He said he was made and powered by my jealousy and protective tendencies! Yeah, I agree with your idea ta shut the hell up and buy new systems!! Don't call again asshole!!"

Yami slammed the phone down and glared angry red at the wall. Who did that clown think he was? No one yelled at the Pharaoh and if they didn't want to get yelled at BY the Pharaoh they didn't yell at his High Priest. 

" And you asked me why I wanted to take Osiris away from you? This is why! Because you sick him on people for them even looking at me the wrong way!"

" So? He stopped yelling didn't he?"

" Hai, and after your stunt he'll stop sending me money."

" Why's that?"

Kaiba slammed his hands on his desk and stood up. " Because you don't make enough money to afford anything from me in the nut house, and that's where I'm going if you keep this up!!"

Yami watched him with a blank expression. " Really? Well, I'll just burn it down by using the dragon you created for me! After all you did say that he was so powerful because I got jealous and overprotective, ne?"

_/ Somehow I thought that would get him to quit, stupid me…/ _Seto's eye twitched. 

" I heard that!!"

Seto bit back a cry of frustration and instead felt he would knock himself out before Yami would ever change. He reigned to the urge of beating his head against his desk. 

Yami placed his hand in the way and caught his face before he could continue to bash it in. " Na, koi, don't bruise that beautiful face of yours. I only want to protect you from those who wish to do you harm."

Seto sighed and leaned into the hand on his cheek. " I know. But do you have to be so violent and cruel about it?"

" If they deserve it…"

" Yami…"

" Oi, they do deserve it sometimes!"

" Why do I even bother?"

" I don't know…"

Seto's eye twitched again. " I do have work to do, Yami, would you mind removing your leather-clad posterior off my desk and relocating so I can get some work done?" 

" Makasete!" Yami piped and jumped off the desk.

Kaiba blinked. He didn't think Yami would listen. He was expecting some sexual innuendo from the Pharaoh or an attempt to get him to allow Yami to use his desk as Yami's play area. He had a 'KaibaCorp' imprint on his hip for a week after that one incident. 

/ And what did Yami do? Offer to kiss it better. Mattaku… / " Not like I wouldn't have done it koi…" " Would you stop that?!" " What?" " That reading my mind thing you do! Yamete!" Yami shrugged and walked over to where he was. Kaiba ignored him and continued to type up the program he was working on. Unfortunately, he couldn't ignore Yami when he was lifted up and placed in the Pharaoh's lap while said Pharaoh sat in his chair. / Now how did that happen? / Seto wondered idly while a rather large sweatdrop appeared on his head. 

" Well, koi, I'm stronger than you are! With you in my lap, you can work and I can still watch over you."

" I don't need you to watch over me!"

" I say you do. Is you is or is you ain't my koi?"

Kaiba started to fire a retort, but he instead had a quizzical look on his face. " What the hell did you just say?" 

" Just say yes."

" Yes."

" Then you need me to watch over you! Now go ahead and get to work. I'll be right here."

Seto released a defeated sigh. Why fight it? He just couldn't win. Yami would be forever possessive and protective and he would just have to sit back and try to act like he didn't know the multicolored maniac that was chasing down some random male or female for flirting with him. 

He reached over for the phone to ask his secretary to send the files from Microhard to him, but she beeped in first.

" Kaiba-san, did you want these Mircohard files I have?"

/ Damn does everyone know what I think before I think it? / 

" Hai Nichi-san. Send them in."

" Hai Kaiba-san. Anou…there's also a Mutou-san here to see you."

Kaiba frowned and he felt Yami shift a little under him and his arms tightened around him slightly. " But Mutou-san is already here."

" No Kaiba-san, the other one."

Seto squeaked as Yami squeezed him and pulled him back a little back. " Yami, you're squeezing me!"

" Little pest of a hikari…I thought I told him no one was to touch you but me…" Obviously, Yami didn't hear him.

" Etou…Kaiba-san…Oi! You can't just walk in there Mutou-san!"

/ _Ah hell…/ _Seto sighed in frustration. This was gonna end badly.

Yugi walked through the door looking almost exactly like Yami, except for violet eyes and being shorter. He had flowers in his hand too. White roses to be exact. He was grinning too. 

"Oi, Kaiba-koi! Thought I'd come and rescue you from the evil contracts and programs today. These flowers are for you!"

Seto cursed himself as his cheeks lit up again as he took the flowers from Yugi. There had to be some way to turn that annoying feeling off. " Arigatou Yugi-kun…Etou…Kirei desu."

" Hai, YUGI-KUN, there are beautiful. Now get out!" Yami deemed it fit to make his presence known.

Yugi immediately narrowed his eyes. He looked exactly like Yami now. Yugi looked past Seto and glared at the leather-clad arms around his Blue Eyes waist.  " Pharaoh…What are you doing here?"

Yami glared right back at him over Seto's shoulder. " I could ask the same of you…**hikari**."

Seto looked in between worriedly. " Anou…you two, don't do this again…you don't have to fight over me…"

Yugi looked over at him and for a second he looked like the regular Yugi again.  He touched his cheek and gave him a chaste kiss." Maa, maa Kaiba-koi, I'm not fighting over you. Why should I when you're already mine?"

" Uso da!!" Yami barked, jerking Seto away and almost throwing him into his chair while he stood and glared down Yugi," He' mine and you know it!"

The dark Yugi returned as he glared right back at his yami. " Since when?"

" Since always!"

" Not anymore!"

" Why don't you go do something constructive like climbing a speed bump?!"

" Why don't you go visit your cousins at the zoo?!"

" Kono chiisai…"

" OI! Stop it!" Kaiba shouted," You two are acting like children. You don't have to fight over me! I've given my heart to both of you."

They both looked down at the floor a little ashamed. But then Yami perked up. " You've given your heart to both of us, but your body belongs to me!" ^_^

" That does it Pharaoh! I challenge you to a duel for Seto!"

" I accept!" 

" Why me…?"

Flashforward

 So here he sat. When they had gotten home Seto had managed to get their attention away from each other and onto him by saying some rather shameless things. 

/ _I'm so horny; I wish someone would take me. Anyone would do. I'd be a good uke…Yuck! What the hell was I thinking when I said that crap?! / _Seto thought bitterly.

It got their attention alright and put him in this state of undress, but that was all. They got into a fight over kissing him and decided to continue their plan to duel.

Before it was flattering, then it got annoying, now it's just plain stupid! There can't be anyone even alive that's as possessive as those two, Kaiba concluded. And he was still not sated. 

He glared at the two multicolored haired kois of his just for the sake of doing it and went downstairs to get something to drink. All their glaring and heated arguments were heating up the room.

He paused in front of the fridge with a cold bottle of water on his forehead. What idiot boyfriends he had, but he loved them anyway. One of these days he was going to hurt them though.

" Poor little priest…All alone and hott and horny…Maybe we can help…"

Seto turned at the voice behind him. There stood a smirking Malik and Bakura. They were standing in the doorway; looking at him more than appreciatively. 

" Bakura-kun? Malik-kun? What are you doing here?"

Bakura strode over and backed Seto into the counter by putting his hands on either side of him. " We heard your message bishonen. You wanted someone to take you, correct?"

Seto blushed." You…heard that?"

Malik stepped up this time. Somehow he had gotten behind Seto and was snaking his arms around his waist. " We can't very well ignore such a pouty message now can we? We immediately came to see if we could help you priest since you have such careless lovers, how would you like to stay with us, ne?"

" Etou…Ahhaa…" He was about to say something, but Bakura had gotten bored listening and decided to eat at his neck to pass the time.

" Is that a yes?" Now Malik was being a distraction by running his hands under Seto's shirt and across his stomach.

" Ahhhaaa…Iie…"

" GUARDIAN!!"

" TOMB ROBBER!!"

" RELEASE OUR BLUE-EYES OR SUFFER OUR WRATH!!"

Both of them glared and looked over to the top of the stairs where the voices had come from. Yugi and Yami were standing there looking like they were actually about to kill someone. And those someones were going to be Bakura and Malik. 

Half-lidded blue eyes gazed at the stairs. " Yami? Yugi?"

" Get your hands off my priest filthy Tomb Robber!!" Yami's Sennen eye glowed brightly atop his head.

Bakura snorted and nipped at Seto's neck again. " And if I don't?"

" Yes, and if we don't?" Malik continued to rub against Seto; making the bishonen jump and gasp.

Yami looked like he was about ready to fly off the handle when Yugi spoke up. " We challenge you to a duel."

Both of them looked up at that. " A duel? For Seto-chan's body? You're making this too easy Pharaoh."

" I'll say. But I'll just take him as compensation for all the years we've guarded your tomb. Not to mention the times I used it as a port-a-potty."

" Malik, I'll kill ya for saying that!"

" Let's get this duel over with. We'll need to go to the store to get some chocolate sauce and whipped cream for our prize!"

All four disappeared in a burst of blackish-purple light; leaving Seto all by himself. Now realizing that everyone had left him, Seto crossed his arms and pouted.

Everyone was upstairs fighting over him, while he was standing in the middle of the kitchen. He really hated this. He should get new lovers. That's what he should do…

" I wonder if Jou and Honda will take me…"


End file.
